Light's New Disguise
by Emotistic Optimistic
Summary: Light's found the perfect way to hide from the public eye, but will he still be able to outwit Mello and Near? This is really, super AU, but I HAD to write it. Some of the facts may not line up, and I apologize to all the Disney Channel fans out there.
1. Give HSM a rest, everyone!

"This is going perfectly, Ryuuk," Light said as he carefully styled his hair. "Not even L could have found me with this disguise."

"**Hyuk hyuk…y'know, most humans would lay low after killing the top three detectives in the world,**" Ryuk said, chuckling.

Light snapped his head to the side to stare at the shinigami. "Do not call me human, Ryuuk. I. Am. _**GOD**_!!"

Ryuuk actually shrunk back a little. **"All right, Light…whatever you say…"** He had learned that Light, after killing L, had developed even more of a god complex, and Light-with-a-god-complex was almost scarier than the King Shinigami. And he was pretty freaking scary.

_**Light's not nearly as fun anymore…but he's still got the book, so I gotta stick around, **_Ryuuk thought. _**Oh, well…as long as he doesn't laugh any time soon, we're good.**_

After his explosion, Light tilted his head back. Ryuuk almost ducked for cover; this was the typical "I'm-about-to-do-my-maniacal-Kira-laugh" pose. Luckily for him, though, Light took a small bottle and put a drop of liquid into each of his eyes.

"Damn, this is annoying," he muttered, blinking several times. Instead of dark brown, now his eyes were an unnaturally bright blue.

Ryuuk suddenly remembered a question he had been wanting to ask Light for a while. **"Hey, Light…how did you end up killing him? I never saw."**

There was a knock at the door.

"I'll tell you later, Ryuuk," Light muttered. To the person behind the door, he said, in perfect, unaccented English, "Yeah? What is it?"

"It's almost time for scene 14," the stage manager said from the other side of the door. "They need you in hair and make-up."

"All right, I'll be there in a sec," Light said.

"Oh, and, after this scene, there's a few contest winners who'd like to talk to you, too."

"Okay…it's Denise, right?" he asked. He could feel the stage manager's huge smile through the door.

"Yes, it is! This is the first time you've remembered since the first movie!"

"Sorry about that. I just get caught up in my work, y'know?"

"Of course, of course. See you in five!"

Light smiled wickedly as he heard Denise the stage manager walk away.

**"Hyuk hyuk…I think you're being too polite, Light,"** Ryuuk said. Light shrugged.

"Whatever. Everyone else in the cast likes it. Oh, right, you want to see how I killed him."

Light took a small, Flathead screwdriver from his pocket and wedged the tip between the mirror and the wall. He gently pushed the screwdriver, using it like a lever to ease the mirror about an inch away from the wall. Putting down the screwdriver and holding the mirror, he stuck his free hand inside and pulled out his Death Note, then pressed the mirror back against the wall.

He started flipping through it, but Ryuuk stopped him.

**"Hang on…a lot of those people aren't criminals**,**"** he said.

"They're paparazzi. That's worse. Ah, here we are." Light held the Death Note out to Ryuuk, who took it and started chuckling as he read the death.

Zachary Efron. February 3, 2010, 12:25 a.m.

_Wanders home in a drunken stupor, but is kidnapped by a crazed fanboy on the way. Can't stand it any longer, commits suicide at 4:37 p.m._

**"Why a fanboy and not a fangirl?" **Ryuuk asked.

"Because fanboys are scarier," Light replied simply.

**"All right, but how do you know that they won't find his body?"**

Light pointed at the death. "Notice I said _crazed fanboy_. Said fanboy would keep the body."

**"…"**

At Ryuuk's silence, Light chuckled. "I thought you said humans were fun, Ryuuk."

**"…and sometimes…they're downright freaky…"**

Near sighed as he heard the television blasting in the next room. Twirling a curl of white-blond hair between his fingers, he walked in. As was expected, "High School Musical: Search for the Next Star" was on, with Gevanni watching intensely. Though Gevanni was a great agent and very intelligent, Near could not help but question his sanity at times, especially when he heard "B Good 2 Me" from his agent's car.

"Gevanni…must I remind you that we have to search for Kira?" Near asked dryly.

"I know, I know, but they're having a star from HSM come! I _have _to see this, sir!"

"…don't you have this saved, Gevanni?"

"Yeah, but we finally have some free time, so I wanted to watch it."

"Gevanni…this is incredibly juvenile…"

"But I like it. Why don't you watch it with me? Remember, you owe me."

"Why on earth do I 'owe you'?" Near asked in a monotone.

"Because you cut off half of my Sharpay figurine's hair because you wanted to make a small replica of Misa Amane because you thought she was the second Kira. But she doesn't even _look_ like Ashley Tisdale!"

Near was about to argue when the announcer on the show boomed, "And back to High School Musical: Search for the Next Star!"

Gevanni gasped excitedly. "They're gonna show who it is! I'll bet you anything it's Monique Coleman. She's not doing _anything _right now, and…" Gevanni stopped as he looked at the screen. "HOLY CRAP!! IT'S ZAC FREAKING EFRON!!"

Near winced. Gevanni did not normally exclaim things, but when he did, it usually threatened to make Near's ears bleed.

"Gevanni, if I may ask you to keep your voice…"

"Hold on a sec." Gevanni grabbed the remote and rewound the show. He pressed play, then listened intently. He pulled a face. "Those liars! That's not Zac Efron!"

Near cocked his head. "How can you tell?"

"Well, here, listen." Gevanni pressed rewind again, then played it. Both he and Near listened. Gevanni shook his head. "Yeah, hear that? For one thing, his voice is a fourth of an octave higher. And…there's this weird sound to it…it sounds kinda…I don't know…maniacal, I guess."

_Hmm…it sounds a little familiar…_ Near thought. _It kind of reminds me of the second L…_

Gevanni heaved an annoyed sigh. "First they put off production on HSM 3 for two years because Corbin Bleu just _had_ to come out of the closet and Disney had to reshoot everything, but now they're using fake Zacs? This is just _wrong!_ I mean, he doesn't even look like Zac Efron! Not that the drooling fanboys and girls notice. But, look! His eyes are more almond-shaped, and his face is thinner! Come _on_, Disney, have some self-respect! Next they're gonna have Mitchell Musso try to be Joe Jonas, huh?"

Near rolled his eyes. "Gevanni, I'm sorry to cut your rant short, but I believe I need to have a chat with the N.P.A., and I need you there with me."

Gevanni exited and turned the television off. "All right, sir. I can wait. But next time, I'm fast forwarding all the parts with that Zac-wannabe."

He got to his feet and followed Near back to the computer room. Near took his microphone and pressed the transmission button.

"Hello, L," he said coolly. "It's been a while since we last spoke, and I expect you've found more information about Kira, correct?"

He waited for an answer. After a while, the L insignia finally popped up on the screen. However, the voice who answered was definitely not L's.

"Um…he's not here right now. Actually, he's in America right now, but he wouldn't tell us why…"

Near sighed. "Then who's this talking right now?"

"Oh, this is Matsuda."

"Mr. Matsuda, when did L leave?"

"Oh, jeez…around the end of season three of High School Musical: Search for the Next Star…"

Near could very distinctly hear several groans in the background. To his surprise, Gevanni grabbed the mic from his hand.

"You watch 'High School Musical: Search for the Next Star'?! I didn't know you guys got it in Japan!"

"Gevanni…" Near groaned.

"Oh, yeah! I mean, I have to pay for it…and I have to watch it with subtitles…but whatever! It's my favorite show!"

"Matsuda, give me the mic!" a new voice said. There was a crackling sound, suggesting that someone had roughly grabbed the microphone. "God, you sound like my daughter!"

"Hey! Aizawa, let go!"

"N doesn't want to talk about that! We're trying to find Kira, remember?"

"Oh, that's okay! See, I'm not N. I'm Gevanni. So, Mr. Matsuda, how stoked are you for HSM 3?"

"Beyond stoked! I can't wait to see Zanessa in action!"

Gevanni's jaw dropped. "You're a Zanessa fan?"

"Yeah, they're the perfect couple!"

"No way! Zashley _totally _beats them!"

"You're crazy! Zanessa is meant to be!"

Gevanni rolled his eyes, then excitedly continued, "Anyway, did you see the last 'Search for the Next Star'? That totally wasn't Zac Efron!"

"I _know_! Y'know, I could've sworn that it was Light with blue eyes!"

"Matsuda!" several voices snapped.

"Light? Who's that?" Gevanni asked.

"Oh, right. You guys know him as L…"

"MATSUDA!!"

"Whoops…sor—!" Suddenly, the transmission was cut off, and the L background faded back to black.

"Well, Gevanni, seems like you made a new friend today while you completely ruined any chance of getting Kira information in that transmission," Rester said angrily.

Gevanni swallowed nervously. "I…" he started, but Near cut him off.

"No, actually. Gevanni's adolescent chat with Mr. Matsuda may help us." Near twirled a curl of hair between his fingers. "Gevanni, where would Mr. Efron be right now?"

"Um…Hollywood, I'm guessing," Gevanni said. "Or near Zuma Beach in California."

"All right," Near said. He went to a drawer and opened it, pulling out a Troy doll.

"Hey, isn't that mi—?!" Gevanni trailed off in horror as Near popped the head off his doll.

"I think I've got a plan to find Kira," Near said. "We'll fly to California tomorrow. First, though, I need to make a call to an old friend…

A/N -- Don't tell me none of you weren't expecting a fic about how much Zac Efron looks like Light Yagami! Okay…so you guys probably weren't. Well, sorry for how freakishly AU it is…but I had to write this. Especially with HSM 3 coming out in a few months shudders Anyway, the next chapter should be up soon. Reviews to me is like eyeliner to an emo kid: pure joy! (Or, at least, as joyful as an emo kid can get…)


	2. Meetings and Discussions

Light sighed as the new kid playing Chad messed up his lines for the fifth time that take.

"Corbin…" Kenny Ortega started.

"My name's Rick," the stand-in interrupted.

"Right, whatever. Your name's Corbin Bleu in the credits."

"But…"

"Don't ask questions!" Mr. Ortega pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "The line is 'I'm totally not gonna be able to graduate, Troy,'; not 'I don't think I'll graduate this year, dude'."

"Well, see, I thought I'd ad-lib a little, sir," Rick said. "See, that sounds more believable, and I think the audience will like it more."

"No, the audience will like it more once we put the Jonas Brothers in. _You_ stick to your script."

Everyone turned as they heard a cry from the trailers.

"I am _not_ wearing that!"

Lucas Grabeel stormed out from the costume trailer. "I'm _done_ with wearing those gay-ass hats! I am twenty-six, I have a girlfriend, and I am _not_ gay!"

Ashley Tisdale suddenly had a coughing fit, and Light could have sworn he heard, "Lies…lies…I saw your MySpace…"

"Ashley, go get a drink of water. And Lucas, Ryan isn't gay…"

"Oh, don't give me that crap!" Lucas sneered. "The only reason I didn't quit when I heard we were re-shooting this was because I'm in a freaking contract!"

**"Hyuk hyuk…I guess Hollywood isn't all glitz and glamour, huh?"** Ryuuk asked.

_Tell me about it…_Light thought, rolling his eyes. Suddenly, his cellphone began to ring.

"Is that a Japanese song?" Vanessa Hudgeons asked. "Is that some new girl's ringtone, Zac? Are you cheating on me? Come on, admit it! You're cheating on me with some Japanese chick! I _knew_ you'd do this! That's it, Zac, we're over! I'm going back to Drake Bell!"

"Relax, Vanessa…" Light said. He looked at his phone. "I would never dream of cheating on you…"

"Oh…" Vanessa beamed. "Well, in that case, what do you think about going to Tahiti after this? Y'know…you, me…a whole big condo to ourselves…"

"Yeah, that sounds great. I gotta take this." Light ran out of the auditorium they were using for the scene.

"Yeah, that sounds good, Zac. Everybody take five," Mr. Ortega said.

Light flipped open his phone. "Mushim—um, hello?" he asked, catching himself last minute.

"Light-kun! Why are you speaking English? It's Misa!"

Light fought back a groan. "Hey, Misa…what's up?" he said, switching easily back to Japanese.

"I was just wondering where you were. I mean, you haven't called for a while and Misa's starting to get lonely."

"Listen…Misa…" Light dropped his voice to a whisper. "You're coming to Hollywood in a few days, right?"

"Yeah, remember? I've got a movie shoot."

"Well, actually…I somehow landed a bit part in High School Musical 3," he lied. "So…do you want to meet up somewhere in Hollywood?"

"I thought that filmed in New Mexico…"

"It did…but Vanessa couldn't deal with it anymore."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So, should we meet up? Y'know, a nice date…we could talk about our _notebooks…_"

"Ohhh! Misa understands! Don't worry, Light-kun! You can count on me!"

"Thanks, Misa. I'll see you soon." Light closed his phone and smiled wickedly.

_This can only help…people worship Kira, and kids worship Zac Efron…soon every generation will bow down to me! I really am God!_

Ryuuk's wings spread out, and he flew to the top of the auditorium as Light tilted his head back and began to chuckle. In a matter of seconds, he was in one of his crazy-Kira laughing fits.

Lucas came out with two cups of coffee. "Stupid hats…I should complain to Disney about this…" he muttered. "Hey, Zac, I got you a cup of coff—…" He trailed off as he saw Light laughing maniacally. He shook his head as he took a sip of coffee. "Man…I wouldn't mind having some of whatever he's smoking…" he muttered.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

"WHAT?!" Mello cried. Matt looked up, annoyed.

"Cram it, Mello. I'm trying to beat 'The World Ends With You', here…"

Mello wasn't listening. He was instead focused on the conversation he was having on the phone. Matt paused the game and decided to watch.

"Near, that is insulting my manly pride!" he cried. He listened for a moment, then yelled, "Yes, I _do_ have manly pride, you little brat!"

"Oh, this is Near we're talking to? This should be good…" Matt said, taking out his cigarette and rolling it between his fingers as he smiled. Mello glared at the redhead, then continued with his conversation.

"Okay, I don't care if this is about Kira! That is wrong on _so_ many levels!" He listened for a moment. "You're blond, too, twerp!" He shook his head. "I don't care, that still wasn't a legit excuse!" He bit his lip, nodding. "Yeah, I _do _still have this big scar on my face, no thanks to the friggin'…oh? Plastic sugery? Oh, wait, you're gonna make me look like…oh? Well…I guess…no! No, Near, I'm not giving in to that! I'd rather have a scar!"

"Damn straight, you should. Chicks dig scars," Matt said, stretching out on his bed.

Mello covered the mouthpiece on his cell and glared at Matt, who shot him his most angelic smile. "Shut up," the blond hissed.

"Hey, just stating facts," Matt said.

Mello rolled his eyes and went back to his conversation with Near. "Yeah, no way in hell I'm doing that, Near." Pause. "Oh…we're waging war against Zac Efron, too?"

Matt sat up, his jaw dropped. Unfortunately, his cigarette fell out of his mouth and burned his hand. "HOLY SH—!!"

"Shut UP, Matt!" Mello bellowed. He paused. "Yeah, Matt's with me." He paused. "That's actually not a bad idea…oh, wait…he'd have to take off his goggles…"

"What about my goggles?" Matt asked, lighting a new cigarette.

"Yeah, I could make him take it off…Listen, why don't we have _him_ be someone?" Pause. "But…mine's not a wig…oh? Really? How do you keep up with all this crap?" Pause. "…holy crap. Your agents _really _need to get out into the real world." Mello sighed. "Okay, how much are you willing to pay me to do this?" He listened, then whistled. "Not bad…wait, what?" Mello's jaw dropped. "_How _much chocolate?!" He sighed. "Damn, you're making it hard…all pictures will be destroyed, right? And I don't have to sing?" He listened. "Okay, you're right, it wouldn't make much difference to the listeners…just for one night, right?" Mello's eyes widened. "A whole friggin' week?! That's it, Near, I'm sorry. No, I'm not. SCREW YOU!" He closed the phone and threw it on his bed.

Matt cocked his head, puffing away on his cigarette. "So what did he want you to do?"

Mello told him what Near had suggested. Matt chuckled.

"Well, you look the part…"

"Shut up!"

"What? I think you'd look cute."

"No. You just want to see me kiss a chick in that get-up so you can have one of your lesbian fantasies come true."

"Oh, come on, Mello. I don't have lesbian fantasies." Matt paused for a moment. "I have gay fantasies. Normally involving you and me."

"What?!" Mello stared at him, looking more that a little scared. Matt laughed.

"Gotcha! Man, you're gullible. What do you think we are, an anime or something?" he asked, going back to his game.

Mello rolled his eyes and grabbed his half-eaten chocolate bar off the bedside table. He started to bite it, then stopped.

"If I go through with this, I'd help defeat Kira…" he said.

"Yeah…" Matt said distantly. "C'MON, YOU LITTLE SORA WANNABE!! JUMP!!"

"But if I go through with this, I'll be scarred forever…" He bit off a chunk of chocolate and chewed it slowly as he thought. He swallowed and said, "L would never approve…"

"I don't think L would give a damn so long as you caught Kira," Matt said, turning off his DS.

Mello bit off another chocolate chunk. "But…I'm submitting to Near, aren't I? And that's the last thing I want to do."

"You're working _with _Near," Matt corrected. "Which Mr. Wammy would have approved of. Can I have a piece of your chocolate?"

"No, my chocolate." Mello sighed. "Well…he did offer over a million dollars…and a Wonka-worthy reward, too…a friggin' life-supply of chocolate…"

"Would you give me a piece then?"

"No."

"Don't make me be a ninja, Mello."

"Wha—?" Mello started, but Matt had already jumped over to his bed and was trying to pry the chocolate out of Mello's hands. The blond angrily kicked the younger man in the chin, sending him flying backward.

Matt hit the wall, yet somehow managed to keep his cigarette in his mouth. He rubbed his jaw.

"Ow…dude, seriously…get rid of the biker boots…" he muttered.

Mello laughed. "You suck at being a ninja."

"Ah ah ah! Don't speak so soon, _Meee-haaaiii-ellll_," Matt said, stretching out Mello's real name to annoy the blond. He smirked as he held up a chunk of chocolate, then stuffed it in his mouth. "I pwn'd you, n00b!" he said with his mouth full.

"If Kira heard, I'm screwed, _Mail_," Mello snapped, using the redhead's real name as well. Matt swallowed his pirated chocolate and grinned.

"That's what she said!"

"…that was so effing stupid…"

"Okay, yeah…that one sucked…"

Mello sighed. "Should I do it?" he asked, switching back to the main subject.

"Do it, man. Make Edward D. Wood proud."

"…you are such a loser, Matt…"

"You wanna get back to Near?" Matt crouched by his bed and pulled his laptop out from under it. He opened it and handed the headset to Mello. Mello sighed and put them on. He watched as Matt hacked into Near's headquarters. A white background with a large, black N came onto the screen.

"Yeah, Near? I accept your offer." He stopped for a moment, then added, "But if that plastic surgeon makes me look any different than I did before, I will personally slit your throat and feed you to vipers." He smiled wickedly as he listened. "Why, no. Matt wouldn't mind at all."

"I wouldn't mind what?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. We'll meet up with you tomorrow. LAX, got it." He paused, then sighed. "No, my entire mafia's dead. It's just me and Matt." He nodded. "Yeah, 10:30 a.m. sharp. We'll be there."

The N background flickered out, and Mello took off his headset and shook his long, blond hair.

"So…what won't I mind doing?" Matt asked. Mello smirked, then took Matt's hand and shook it.

"Congratulations, Matt! You're Hannah Montana's new manager!" he said, pitching his voice about three octaves higher and adding a southern drawl. Matt's eye twitched behind his goggles.

"Oh, _hell_ no…"

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

A/N—Before everyone starts yelling at me for having Mello agree to Near's plan so quickly, I just want to say two things: 1) I _said_ in the synopsis that it's AU. And in an AU, Mello would give in to Near more easily, right? Right. 2) They're going against Zac Efron. Come on, guys, even _you_ would team up with your worst enemy to get rid of him. Unless, of course…your worst enemy is him or a follower of him…Anyhoo, hoped you guys liked all the Matt and Mello action in this chapter. We're almost done with intros. And remember, reviews save lives. Namely mine, because if I don't get any, then I feel like an unloved loser. And no one wants to feel like what's-his-face in High School Musical…y'know…that one kid…aw, whatever.


	3. Staker Fanboys and Gender Confusion

Light awoke to a knock on his trailer door.

"Um…Mr. Efron? There's a fan here to see you." It was Denise, the stage manager.

Light groaned. "Is it another contest winner?"

"What?"

Light's eyes flew open as he realized he had just spoken in Japanese.  
"Iz it-u anothah kontest winnah?" he repeated. Sure, his English sucked, but they had been filming until two, and then he went out for a drink with Lucas until three. Even the real Zac Efron's English would sound like crap under these circumstances.

"Yeah…" Well, the point got across, at least.

"How many damn contests do we have?" Light asked, his English flawless this time.

"A lot. They're really pushing this movie, Mr. Efron."

"I see that." Light sat up and stretched. "Tell the little girl I'll be out in a minute."

"Well…sir…it's not a little _girl…_"

"Little boy?"

"No…"

"Confused teenaged boy?"

"No…"

Light got out of bed and cocked his head to the side. "Then who is it?"

"A young man…maybe a little older than you…"

Light's eyes widened. "Well, _that's_ not scary," he muttered in Japanese.

"**Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk…" **

Light glared up at Ryuuk, who was as close to hyperventilating with laughter a shinigami can get.

"What's so funny, Ryuuk?"

**"I'm just thinking about what could happen with this." **

"…shut up, Ryuuk." To Denise the stage manager, he said, "All right. Tell him I'll be out there in about five minutes."

"Will do, sir. Should I have security ready?"

"Thank you, Denise. Yes, you most definitely should." Light stretched again as he walked to the little closet in the trailer. He wrinkled his nose as he pulled on a pair of jeans.

"I hate jeans…they remind me too much of Ryuuzaki…"

**"Everything reminds you of Ryuuzaki, Light," **Ryuuk corrected.

"…shut up, Ryuuk."

**"I'm beginning to think you had a crush on him…"**

"…shut UP, Ryuuk!"

**"Hyuk hyuk…"**

"What are you laughing about now, you damn shinigami?" Light asked as he put his blue contacts in.

**"Ask Lucas…he'll remember…"**

Light's eyes widened. "Dammit! How drunk did I get last night?!"

Ryuuk didn't say anything; he just kept chuckling. Light frowned as he styled his hair.

"I hate you, Ryuuk."

"Mr. Efron?" Once again, it was Denise the stage manager. She sounded anxious. "Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah, I'm coming…" Light sent one last glare at Ryuuk before stepping outside of his trailer.

Not even a moment later, he was face to face with a drooling, twenty-eight-year-old fanboy. He was Asian, and he wore a shirt with a giant, blown-up picture of Zac Efron's face. The black eyes, behind glasses, were wild with adoration, and he kept pushing his long, black hair out of his face.

"OMG!! YOU'RE ZAKKU EFRON!!" he exclaimed, his English laced with a noticeable Japanese accent. "I'm Teru Mikami, and I'm a HUGE fan of yours! I've watched you since you were in Summerland, which I watched just for you, not that stupid Jesse McCartney!! And I…I've taken FIVE years of English just so I could talk to you one day and now I am and OH MY KIRA, THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!"

Light cocked his head. "Wait…did you just say 'Oh my Kira'?"

Mikami nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I worship Kira. Kira is god. If Kira's a girl, I would SO marry her. Aw, hell, if Kira's a man, I'd still marry him! Y'know, I sacrificed a chicken to Kira once! I love him. He is righteous! Do you worship Kira?" Mikami gasped. "OH MY KIRA, THAT'D BE GREAT WE COULD WORSHIP KIRA TOGETHER AND I'D BE ABLE TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS THAT THEY WERE WRONG IN SAYING YOU WERE A SCIENTOLOGIST!!"

Light, though scared of this fanatic, could see potential. He smiled.

"Actually, Teru, do you want to know a secret?" he asked. Mikami's eyes widened.

"OH MY KIRA, ZAKKU-SAMA IS TRUSTING ME WITH A SECRET?? WHAT IS IT?!" he yelled.

"Shh!" Light hissed. "Listen, I'll tell you in Japanese, that way no one will…"

"ZAKKU-SAMA SPEAKS JAPANESE??"

"Mikami, shut up!" Light hissed in Japanese. Mikami instantly quieted, staring at Light in awe. Light took a deep breath, regaining his composure, then smiled again and whispered, "I am Kira."

Mikami gasped. "OH MY KIRA, REALLY?! I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE, ZAKKU-SAMA!!" he yelled in Japanese.

"Mikami-san, quiet down. It's a secret."

"Of course, Zakku-sama. I understand completely," Mikami said. "I'll do anything for you, Kira! Anything at all!"

Light smiled. "All right, Mikami-san…after we tour the set, why don't I show you my trailer?" he said loudly, in English, then quietly added, in Japanese, "Then why don't I tell you my plan?"

"OH MY KIRA, I GET TO GO IN YOUR TRAILER?!"

"…" _Maybe this plan needs some more thought…_ Light mused, leading Mikami toward the sets.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"I can't believe we're in L.A!" Gevanni said excitedly. Linder lightly smacked his head.

"Look professional, Gevanni. We're Near's escorts, remember? Although why he chose you instead of Rester, I'll never know…" she said, shaking her head.

"Because, in this instance, Gevanni will prove to be very useful." Linder jumped as Near popped up beside her. She respected him for his level-headedness and brains, but, MAN, did this kid creep her out!

Gevanni checked his watch. "Um, sir, why did you say you wanted them to come at 10:30? We came in at 10:10."

Near sighed and sat down in one of the airports hard, plastic seats, twirling his hair between his fingers. "Because I need at least twenty minutes to prepare myself for Matt and Mello."

Right after he said this, his cell phone rang. Gevanni and Linder gaped at him.

"You gave out your cell number?" Linder asked in disbelief.

Near flipped the phone open. "Relax. This is a brand new phone with a brand new number. Once the case is solved, I shall dispose of it and get a new one." He put the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

_"Hey, Near? It's Mello. Um…"_ Near could hear Matt's voice say something. _"No, I'm _not _putting it on speaker! HOLY CRAP, PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE FREAKING WHEEL!! Okay, okay!" _There was a silence. _"Can you hear me, Near?"_

"Yes, I can hear you, Mello," Near said.

_"Hey, Near! Long time, no see, dude!_" came Matt's voice.

_"Matt, keep your freaking eyes on the road!"_

_"Sheesh, Mel, you're such a backseat driver…"_

_"You're gonna hit that little girl!"_

Near could hear the faint sound of skidding tires.

_"Damn! That was the most epic stop EVER!!"_ Matt cried. _"Seriously, that was like the Batmobile!!"_

_"Matt, you're such a loser…"_

_"Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, Dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, MATT-MAN!!"_

_"…okay, I take that back. You are the BIGGEST loser I have EVER met." _

"Mello, did you call just to annoy me or do you have something mildly important to tell me?" Near asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

_"Well, before Matt interrupted, I was going to say…"_

_"Hey, Mel, it's your song!"_

_"What?"_

Matt began to sing along with the radio, very loudly and horribly off-key. "_**You get the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest of both woooooooorlds! Chillin' out, take it slow, then you rock out the show!"**_

_"For the love of all things good, Mail, SHUT THE HELL UP!!_"

_"Hey, no need to use my name, MEEE-HAAIII-ELLL_…"

"_SHUT UP!"_

"Both of you, kindly shut your mouths," Near hissed, evidently trying to keep his cool. "Now what on _earth _did you want to tell me, Mello? And keep your mouth shut this time, Matt."

_"Um…I think we might be running a little late…"_

_"No, we're not!"_

Near could hear a very faint hum over the phone, like an engine revving up.

_"SLOW DOWN, MATT!! YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!!"_

_"Woo-hoo! This is just like GTA4!!" _Near heard Matt laugh and Mello scream. _"We'll be there in a few minutes, so don't you worry your white, little head about us, Natty-boy!"_

"Don't call me that!" Near snapped and hung up. He looked over to Gevanni and Linder, who were staring at him.

"What?" he asked, playing with one of his curls, obviously annoyed from the conversation.

"I…I think you might have brushed against the touch-screen, sir," Linder said. Near cocked his head.

"Hm? Why?"

"Because that entire call was on speaker."

Near's eyes widened, and he dropped the phone, then held his face in his hands, shaking his head.

"Linder…Gevanni…?" he whispered after a few minutes.

"Yes, sir?" both agents asked.

"Be careful when you're around Mello and Matt. Evidently, their stupidity is contagious."

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

"You are _not_ allowed to drive on the way back!" Mello snapped as they entered LAX. He angrily bit into his chocolate bar. Matt grinned.

"But that was so much fun! I was actually able to piss Near off!"

"Yeah, along with all the other drivers we passed on the way. How did you pass your driving exam?"

"I didn't."

"You don't even have a freaking license?!" Mello cried. Matt grinned.

"Nah, 'course I do. Here, look at it." Matt pulled out his wallet from his left back pocket and a pack of cigarettes from his front right pocket. He tossed his wallet to Mello, then pulled a lighter from his left front pocket and lit his smoke.

Mello looked curiously at Matt's license, then looked up at Matt, a very annoyed expression on his face. "Seriously, Matt?"

"Seriously what?" Matt asked as he took a long drag of his cigarette. Mello held up Matt's license.

"Strife? Matthew Strife?"

Matt grinned. "Like it? I got it from FFVII. I _almost_ used Highwind, 'cause Cid's my fave character, but I decided against it. And it sure beat Jeevais."

"…you're an idiot."

"Thanks. Now, where do we find Near?"

"I don't know! The little twerp didn't tell me what terminal he was coming from!" Annoyed and suddenly self-conscious, Mello pulled his hair over his scar. In the chaos they had gone through to get here on time, he had forgotten his ski goggles.

Matt noticed his friend's discomfort, sighed, and took off his goggles. He held them out to Mello. "Here."

"Huh?"

"Take the goggles. You can wear them 'til we get back to the car."

Mello half-smiled and took the goggles, then put them on.

"Oh, jeez, you look like a n00b, Mel. Lemme fix it." Matt moved Mello's ample supply of blond hair around the goggles so it didn't poof out. He turned around as he heard an old woman giggle.

"Kids these days," she said to her husband. "I don't remember you letting me wear your goggles."

"I didn't have goggles, Meredith."

"Oh, right."

The old man clapped Matt on the shoulder as he and his wife started walking out. "You've got yourself a pretty girl there, boy," he said with a smile, then muttered to his wife, "She's a little flat, though."

Mello, meanwhile, was being attacked by some girl he didn't know. She had latched herself onto him in a hug.

"Tilly! It's been so long since I've seen you!" the girl cried. She pushed herself away and took a quick scan of Mello. "Omigawd, I _love_ the new look. Leather _totally _works for you! And your hair looks so cute! Still…what's with the goggles? So don't go with your outfit." She gasped as she noticed Matt. "Oooooooohhhhh, migaaawwd…who's this hottie? Is this your new boyfriend?" She giggled. "What's his name, Til?"

"You could ask me," Matt said. Mello snapped his head around and glared at him.

"His name's Matt-the-loser-who-isn't-helping-me-out," Mello said through his teeth. The girl cocked her head.

"Hey, Til, do you have a cold or something? You sound kinda…manly today…"

"That's because I _AM_ a man!" Mello snapped. The girl's eyes widened.

"Oh…so _that_'s why you left, Til. I mean, I knew you were getting surgery, but you didn't say what _kind_ of surgery. You said it was gonna be a surprise and, boy, am I surprised!"

"Um…Steph? Why are you talking to that girl?" a blond girl around the same height as Mello with a nose that looked very unnatural on her face was staring at them, her head cocked. Steph turned around.

"Tilly! Omigawd, it's been forever since I saw you!" She laughed. "_Boy_, do I feel stupid!" She turned around again to face Mello and Matt with an embarrassed smile. "Sorry about that, guys." She pointed to Matt and mouthed, "Call me!"

"C'mon, Matt…let's go find Near…" Mello said, sounding severely annoyed.

"Sure, _Tilly_…whatever you say…"

Not even a moment later, Matt was sprawled on the ground, another bruise beginning to show up on his chin.

"Seriously, Mel! Converse, Vans…anything but biker boots!" he said into the floor.

A/N—Don't you love those random old people who talk to you even though you don't know them? Well…oh, jeez, I'm gonna have to continue the airport into the next chapter. Seriously, we're at, like, six pages here. Sorry, guys, but I hope you all are liking it so far. I'm having a lot of fun writing it, and remember: Reviews to me is like chocolate to Mello. Would you really deprive Mello of his chocolate? Okay, so you probably would just to see his reaction…but please don't torture me like that! Thanks again for reading.

'kay, bye!


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